Finally home!
We finally got home from the beach!
What a trip!
Me and the fam
Sunrise this morning
Horseshoe crab!
This trip was truly a blessing.
It was our second annual family trip to the Jersey Shore. My father-in-law, Rodney, rented a shore house large enough for the whole family to come - Kelly, her sister Megan, her brother Patrick, and their spouses and kids. Plus this year we had Rodney's mother, Theresa with us - she's slowing down at 89, but still has a wicked sense of humor!
At the beginning of this trip, I was struggling with a few things in my marriage. I made a post about it here and wanted to let you know what I've learned.
For several months now, maybe even years, I've been struggling in my marriage. This is my third marriage, and I struggled in similar ways before. My issue is that I had a fundamental distrust of women. If you've followed me at all, you'll remember some of the breakthroughs I've had in my journey here with RCA.
My default position was that women are fundamentally evil, manipulative, and backstabbing and will leave you in a heartbeat if something better comes along, and if they stay, it's mostly to torment you.
Seriously...that's what I thought. Is it any wonder I'm on my third marriage?
If you knew the history of the women in my family, you may come to understand why I felt that way. But that's a different story.
Now, I was never misogynistic in any absolute sense. I love my daughters, and I thought I loved my wives, and I even really love the women in my wife's family. I want the best for all of them so they can live highly rewarding, fulfilling, and successful lives.
Even so, I still had a very deep distrust of women in general.
Until I started to apply the mirror principle.
If you've been on a law of attraction (are we calling it assumption now?) journey like me, maybe you've noticed a huge hole in all the teachings - what to do with a spouse who isn't in alignment.
Kelly and I are very much yin and yang. In some ways, she is super feminine and I'm super masculine, and in other ways, she's more masculine and I'm more feminine. She's also much more practical and pessimistic whereas I'm more dreamy and optimistic. That last one is where we would hit snags.
Kelly can be so pessimistic, that it gets discouraging for me. I spend a lot of time working on being optimistic, visualizing my future, making moves, making sure I'm "vibrationally aligned" and doing all the right things. Yet, my manifestations can be slow or just don't happen at all. So, since my disposition is to distrust women, and Kelly is naturally pessimistic, I would blame her.
I can't tell you how many times we had a conversation like this:
"Kel, I just really can't deal with the negative attitude,"
"I don't have a negative attitude, Shawn! The dog pooped on the rug and I am exceedingly perturbed!" (except my Kelly uses much more colorful language :-) )
"But Babe, can't you see? It's like Gregg Bradon says if you align your heart with your mind, it speeds up the manifestation process! And you've been saying all day, angrily, that you were sure Gigi would poop on the rug!"
"Yeah! Because I know her! It's not because I manifested it!"
At that point, I've learned to throw up my hands and walk away. No matter what I reference, what YouTube video I share, or what powerful conversation I have, nothing would sway her (or me).
It wasn't just with poop on the rug. It extended into repairs in the house, bad contractors doing terrible work, cars breaking down, children getting sick, and on and on. It seemed like no matter how hard I tried to manifest the life I wanted that would be so good for both of us and the rest of the family, we just never made any progress and our marriage stayed in a state of tension most of the time.
And none of the law of attraction teachings deal with this. They're all about you and your journey, and what YOU need to do to change YOUR life. I could never find anything about what to do if you were paired with someone whose vibration didn't match yours. Did you leave them? Should I continue to raise my vibration and let the marriage fall apart if that was what was meant to be? I didn't want to do that again. I've seen the devastation caused by divorce firsthand and will never do that to my daughter. More than that, I wouldn't do it to myself. And even more than that, I'd never do it to Kelly because even though she often irritates me to my limits, I genuinely love her and I stand by my commitment to her.
So what's a guy to do?
As it happened, I came across an interview with Joe Vitale where he mentioned marriage briefly. He said something like, "When you're working on manifesting, you have to remember that your spouse is a mirror of you on the inside."
And this was when I started RCA and learned more about the mirror principle.
So I tried it.
I meditated. I used the Sylva method of meditation and took the image of Kelly and the aggravation I felt, bundled it up into white light, and sent it up to my higher consciousness to deal with.
Over the next few days, I noticed a shift in...me. I started to see Kelly in a different light. I started to remember how we met, and what we had both been through that brought us together. I remembered the night I knew I was going to marry her. I remembered holding her hand while Quinn came into the world. I started to forgive and let go of things. I stopped blaming her for all my problems because of her negativity and started holding myself accountable for them and asking for forgiveness.
Within a day, I noticed a change in Kelly, too. There was a different sense of peace around her. She was more gentle and relaxed and smiled more often. And this all happened right before we went on vacation. During the vacation, she continued to change and we became closer and closer. It was truly a wonderful experience.
Was this the cure-all? Probably not. Will everything be peaches and roses going forward? Not likely. But I know now that the mirror principle does apply to EVERYTHING. I know now that if I start to see troubles in my marriage, I need to first look inside myself. Not in a sense where I blame myself for all the problems in the marriage, but in a sense in which I see how Kelly's behaviors can be a reflection of my attitudes, hidden motives, and whatever else lurks in the subconscious mind.
I have a good feeling that, now that I've made that adjustment internally, rather than trying to change Kelly, things will really take off for us.
Stay posted to see!
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go spend some time with my wife.
Blessings, love, and stuff.
Shawn.
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